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Mourning Your Chemical Pregnancy

If you've experienced a miscarriage, chances are you remember certain dates pretty clearly. Maybe it's the conception date, the due date, the date you found out there was no heartbeat, or the date your precious one left your body.  I know that I have several dates of significance from my pregnancy and miscarriage in 2013 that won't be forgotten.  That's why it took me a bit by surprise when my Timehop app recently popped up with pictures of the faint positive tests from two years ago.  You see, two years ago I experienced a "chemical pregnancy."  A chemical pregnancy is basically an early miscarriage- where the pregnancy was confirmed via pregnancy tests but was never clinically diagnosed. I talked about this pregnancy with very few people. When I open up about my history of infertility and loss, I sometimes say I had one miscarriage rather than explaining my second, very early loss. I talk about it so little that I think I've almost tried to convince myself that it didn't happen. Or that it wasn't a legitimate thing to carry with me. So, when those images popped up on my phone, it was surprising how much it stung. I came to realize that I have never taken the initiative to truly mourn the loss for what it was- a miscarriage. For whatever reason, I've tried to classify it as something "less" in my head for the last two years. If you've experienced a chemical pregnancy, please know that your feelings are valid and your grief is justified. As always, if you want someone to chat with, I'm always here!

-Laura

 

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